I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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