Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize