That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
