She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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