this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
