Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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