I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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