Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
