dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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