oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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