hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
