so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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