Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
