Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
