I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
