My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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