i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
