Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
