I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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