I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
