Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
