PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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