I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
