the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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