I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
did you just send me my own nude
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
