Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
