Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
