Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
