I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize