period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
