I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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