i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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