I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
