Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
