Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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