her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
