Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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