if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
