Don't you send me to vm
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
