Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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