First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
