I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
