he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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