How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
