I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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