yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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