I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
