Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
420 ftw
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
