Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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