He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i think im in europe. pls send help
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
