I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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