and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
