hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
