apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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