he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
