All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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