Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he puts the penis in happiness.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Randomize
